Plans change. This week I had another idea for this blog post, but when I sat down to drawing practice this weekend, I struggled. I struggled a lot. And so, my plans for this post changed. It suddenly felt important to talk about how sometimes things can surprise us with their difficulty, even when it’s something we tend to think we are pretty good at doing. I needed to hear myself say that it’s okay for drawing to still be hard, even though I have been practicing for so many years and feel that I have a decent set of skills in my proverbial tool bag.
I think the thing to remember in our journeys with these activities in which we are constantly learning and constantly attempting to improve, is that we are, in fact, always learning And we always will be if we continue to find the activity interesting and rewarding. When you are learning something, there are bound to be times when you show up to do that thing and it just doesn’t come together.
This weekend was one such time for me. I wanted to sit down for a nice, calm drawing session, hoping to feel rejuvenated and pleased with what I had created when I finished. Instead, what happened was that I struggled with the drawing for the entire time I had set aside; drawing and redrawing the image at least four separate times. I started to get really discouraged and down on myself. I suppose a part of me felt that since I know I’m capable of drawing well, every drawing I make should come easily and look great. But of course, that can’t be the case. Every drawing is its own entity. Sure, it has all the other drawings behind it that you’ve made, but it also is its own drawing. And every time we draw, or practice any kind of craft or sport, there are an endless number of factors that can affect how we are going to perform in that moment.
It’s worth the effort to strive for something great every time we begin, but to expect something great as the result each time is a different thing all together. Removing the pressure to always produce something amazing is an essential part of ensuring that we continue to actually enjoy these activities that we practice. I’ve realized it is important to learn to feel a little more at peace with struggling and making things we don’t like. We have to give ourselves the understanding that we really are always learning, and some days will be better than others. In truth, that is probably part of why we do these things in the first place.
Perhaps that element of surprise when we do achieve a really great result, is a foundational part of why we do practice. If we always knew what the outcome would be, maybe we wouldn’t get the same kind of enjoyment out of it that we do. With an element of surprise, we can always be wondering what great thing we may produce next. When we don’t produce something we are happy with, it’s just a step to the next piece. I sometimes worry that time is wasted if it didn’t produce a perfect result, but now I am trying to remind myself that it is just a part of the journey in which we continue to have opportunities to make great things, and most importantly, to enjoy ourselves in these endeavors.
Here's to remembering why we started practicing drawing, painting, writing, playing the violin or learning yoga to begin with. Here’s to not letting go of the joy and curiosity that these things can continue to bring us. *Takes a deep, calming breath*